Woman abused by 91-year-old mother for more than five years ordered to leave court

SINGAPORE: A 65-year-old woman who lives with her abusive 91-year-old mother has been ordered by a family court to remain in custody for two years.

The woman, named only Madam Lily in the ruling announced Wednesday (Nov. 9), is single and lives with her mother, Madam Kang, in a five-room Housing Commission apartment.

Mdm Lily (not her real name) is retired. She used to work as a polytechnic lecturer and relief teacher, but she quit her job in 2016.

In the ruling, District Judge Amy Tung said Mdm Lily has five other siblings but has limited or no contact with both her and her mother.

Mdm Lily’s siblings reportedly kept their distance from their mother to prevent her from harassing and abusing them.

Two of the brothers had obtained personal protection orders against their mothers. Mdm Kan reportedly appeared at the brothers’ homes and workplaces before, complaining about them and beating them.

The Social Welfare Director has requested that Mdm Lily be held in an unnamed safe place for two years.

This is the second such application. Mdm Lily was previously in Tan Tock Seng Hospital where she was for six months.

To obtain the order it seeks, the Adult Protection Service has successfully fulfilled the requirements under the Vulnerable Adults Act, which came into force almost four years ago.

These include that Mdm Lily is a vulnerable adult, that she has experienced abuse or is at risk of abuse, and that the requested order is necessary for her protection and safety. , and showing that it is in her best interests to commit to the place. Safe.

Mdm Lily has no other friends or social support outside the home and lives a fairly isolated life with Mdm Kan, court documents say.

Abuse of MDM Lily

Mdm Kan has been abusing Mdm Lily since 2016, the court heard. Mdm Lily herself reports that her mother injured her every week by slapping her, pulling her hair, and hitting her with her cane.

In January 2016, Mdm Lilly filed for a personal protection order after her mother used a flapper to hit her left leg and hand until the flapper broke.

Her mother also bit her arm, pulled her hair, trampled her foot, and hit her on the head with her bedroom slipper.

A personal protection order was issued and the two women were referred to Care Corner Project Start (CCPS) for compulsory counseling.

However, when CCPS officials made an unannounced visit in June 2016, Mdm Kan was shouting at Mdm Lily, who was terrified.

Mdm Lily wanted to leave home, but Mdm Kan did not allow her to leave.

When the police arrived, Mdm Kan’s aggression escalated and Mdm Lily was placed in an emergency shelter. She returned to her home later that month after Mdm Kan signed a safety plan agreement not to hit her daughter.

Mdm Lily said counseling did not help her mother stop her violence, but refused further intervention by CCPS.

Despite the personal protection order imposed, Mdm Kan continued to physically abuse his daughter from 2016 to 2021.

There were at least six personal protection order violations in 2017. Mdm Kan beat her daughter after she bought the wrong potatoes in January 2019.

In August 2021, when Mdm Lily was waiting to be admitted to the emergency department of Tan Tock Seng Hospital for insomnia, her mother was seen beating and scolding her. She also tried to pull Mdm Lily’s vein plug.

When hospital staff tried to intervene, Mdm Kan waved his cane menacingly. On another occasion at the hospital in November 2021, Mdm Kan tried to rob her phone by shoving her Mdm Lily in the head twice. She tried to bite a security guard who was trying to escort her out of her hospital.

Mdm Kan also appears to have control over Mdm Lily, described in court documents as “mental abuse.” She locked her Mdm Lily in her house, restricted her social activities, kept her keys, and didn’t allow her daughter to leave the house alone.

She always accompanies Mdm Lily on trips to the grocery store and library, saying the world is a “scary place.” She also claimed that if Mdm Lily went out alone, she would be raped or killed.

MDM Lilly’s state of mind

Mdm Lily was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2002 and was stable on outpatient follow-up. She didn’t have to be hospitalized until she was assaulted by her mother in January 2019.

Mdm Lilly had to be hospitalized after being punched in the eyes and nose until her nose was bleeding.

Mdm Lilly has also been hospitalized multiple times with insomnia since April 2021, and doctors believe her persistent insomnia could be a sign of a relapse in mental illness.

Mdm Lilly also admitted to another hospital that her insomnia had worsened. Both hospitals have expressed concern that Mdm Lily’s mental state may be affecting her ability to perceive the risks of abuse by her mother, making her vulnerable to further abuse.

A February 3, 2022 medical report found that Mdm Lilly’s global cognitive profile was consistent with the cognitive deficits seen in chronic schizophrenic patients.

In interviews with experts, Mdm Lily was observed to deny the violence incident and make excuses for her mother’s use of violence when confronted with evidence.

Despite her shared fear of her mother’s violence, Mdm Lily continued to hold the view that it’s safer at home than outside.

Violence in MDM Kang stems from brain damage

Mdm Kan suffers from organic mood disorder and brain damage that contribute to her violent and aggressive behavior. In her medical report, doctors said there was significant atrophy and scarring in the part of her Mdm Kan’s brain responsible for emotional regulation.

Her aggression was likely due to brain damage, and she showed no signs of remorse, the doctor said.

In Mdm Lily’s medical report, a doctor noted that Mdm Lily continues to have unrealistic expectations for improving her mother’s behavior. Over and over again, she claimed that her mother had changed and was much nicer to her.

Adult Protective Services has found that Mdm Lily is at high risk of further abuse if she continues to live with Mdm Kan.

Mdm Lily is appealing this decision. She told the judge that she was bored in a safe place and that staying there would damage her mental health.

She also expressed helplessness that there is nothing that adult protection services can do to change mothers, stating that she is the only one who can.

However, the court found that Lily’s mental health began to improve after she was separated from her mother and received care outside the home. Participated in activities organized by

The judge said Mdm Lily’s simple wish is to go home and live with her mother and take care of her.

“Such a wish should be welcomed by all children because of their aging parents, but in the case of Mdm Lily, the mistaken belief was that her mother would change for the better and not hurt her anymore.” It’s based on a belief,” the judge said. Paulownia.

“Unfortunately, years of abuse also led her to normalize her mother’s behavior. She also has a cognitive impairment that affects her abilities.In addition, Mdm Kan is in a very dominant position in their relationship, which greatly influences Mdm Lily’s decisions and preferences.”

She added that years of community and social work interventions, and various professionals working with the family to try to help the family, have been to no avail.

“Thus, it would appear that all community efforts had already been exhausted before legal intervention was taken as a last resort,” Tung said.

“I urge Mdm Lily’s siblings to reconsider their decision and come forward to provide much-needed family support,” the judge said.

“They shared a difficult and distant relationship with their mother, Mdm Kan, but it’s hard to believe they’ve changed their past, especially in light of information that Mdm Kan’s aggressive behavior was due to her brain damage. I sincerely hope that I can forget about it.”

The court will review the case within 12 months. In the meantime, community agencies will continue to provide support to Mdm Kan, who has been shown to be able to independently manage her own care, refusing food distribution services.

As Mdm Lily expressed concern that her mother might die while she was dead, the court ruled that if Mdm Kan’s health deteriorated, a change in the court’s order would be justified. said that there is a possibility